Another wonderful post...purged six times this weekend, and tried to purge a seventh time but ended up hacking up blood T____T I can't even starve myself properly left alone vomit... I feel so depressed. I missed out on a chance to get a gorgeous doll, but I was too stupid and didn't check my email in time and she was sold before I even got a chance. The only way I can rationalize that is by simply saying I deserved that fail, because I don't deserve to have such a gorgeous doll. I hate myself, I truly do. If there was a way to simply curl into the tightest ball and let the earth swallow me I'd certainly do such this very minute. Its miserable being this fat, everything is an effort of will not to run to the kitchen and drink a gallon of milk or water or shove eight cookies down my mouth. I've realized I simply have to realize that emptiness is not something that can be filled up. And if I ever attempt to fill it up (i.e. with food) I'll just be full and uncomfortable--nothing more. I won't be happy, or calm, or satisfied I'll feel just as miserable as I was empty, if not even more miserable and depressed. I'd rather collect all of the calories I didn't eat than eat at all.
~Mireille
im sorry hun that ur feeling this way
ReplyDeletejust take one day at a time